


Do You Love Me Less

by Frictionless Waffle (UmamiPills)



Series: Music Be My Muse [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-14 15:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18951337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmamiPills/pseuds/Frictionless%20Waffle
Summary: She looks ethereal even as she just escaped death. Alex can’t help, but exhale at how beautiful she still looks. At that, Lena's eyelids flutter open, and green eyes land on brown ones.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by the song "Love Me Less" from MAX and Quinn XCII

“She’s asking for you.”

At this point, she’s not sure if the blood on her knuckles are Lex’s or her own. She doesn’t know when he lost consciousness, but maybe if she kept beating him, Lena would hurt less. Maybe Kara would heal faster under the sun lamps. Maybe it would make up for all the agents she lost.

“Director Danvers! She’s asking for you.” The voice is a bit more insistent, but her own voices are louder. _You should have been there sooner. You should have known it was a decoy. This is your fault. ___

She doesn’t feel her hands anymore, or her knees, but she does feel pressure on her shoulders pulling her up. Lex’s body moves away from her and Vasquez’s unfocused face is in front of her. She tries to get back to the limp body she was beating, but she’s being held back by more arms.

“Danvers, snap the fuck out of it.” Vasquez looks like she’s yelling, but her voice is distant. The blood rushing in her ears is drowning her out. The agent grabs her face and makes Alex stare in her eyes. “Director, Lena is asking for you.” 

Lena. Lena who was on the ground, rubble around her when Alex finally arrived at L-Corp. Lex said she was just collateral damage. Supergirl had managed to save most of the civilians around and in the building, but he’d come prepared for her appearance. Lena's body was taken away to the DEO before Alex could get to her. 

“He did that to her. He hurt Kara. He hurt Lena.” Her voice sounds foreign to her own ears. Her throat is dry, and she can’t blink enough to get her vision to focus. The anger she felt moments ago is replaced with regret and dread. She lifts her hand to wipe the sweat off her forehead. That’s when she notices the thick layer of blood caked around her knuckles. “She- She can’t see me like this.” 

She pushes off of the person behind who’s holding her back and stumbles, but the agent is faster and catches her before she falls to the ground. She realizes it’s J’onn when he speaks. “Agent Vasquez, please get Lex Luthor to the med bay. I’ll take care of the rest.” They share a nod before the former director is guiding Alex out of the holding cell. 

“Why didn’t you come and stop me sooner?” She feels weak all of a sudden and getting her feet to lift off the ground is a struggle. The smell of blood is invading her senses and making her nauseous. Not enough air is reaching her lungs and her tactical suit feels fused to her body. 

“You made Agent Schott play a looped video on the security screen for the footage coming from Lex Luthor's cell. You told him not to tell anyone.” He doesn’t sound angry, but Alex knows that he is disappointed. They stop at the locker rooms and he instructs her to clean herself up while he gets her a change of clothing. 

Alex walks up to one of the showers, turns it on and stands under it still fully clothed. She let’s herself cry. 

This has happened before. She never wanted it to happen again. She hated losing control of her emotions, but having others see her in this state? She hated that the most. Not only had Lex hurt the two most important people in her life, he continued to do so in the cell. Taunting Alex. _Nice to know you can’t always protect your little sister. Guess she isn’t as godly as everyone thinks she is. She thinks her heart is her biggest strength. Wrong, it’s her biggest weakness. Making her choose between saving Lena or the rest of the city was way too easy. National City has lost its head putting their trust in an alien who can’t even save one person let alone everyone. One day the sun beds won’t be enough to bring her back. The world will see that the Supers can’t protect them after all._

That’s when she lost it. Winn set the loop and she burst into the cell, going straight for Lex’s head. _Don’t you ever say something like that again._ Lex’s cut lip created a cast-off blood pattern on the floor, staining her boots. _You will never leave this cell as long as I’m Director._ A fist in the guts made him double over himself. _You are going to die and rot in here._ Alex pushed him back against a wall, glowering at him. Her slicked-back hair was already messy and in her face, but her focus was on one thing. 

After spitting out bloody saliva, Lex lifted his head and laughed. His white teeth were lined with red. _You think you’re so tough beating on a restrained prisoner._ Blood dripped onto his gray suit, soaking through his tie. _Let me tell you Director, you’re the weakest of them all. You think you can be there for everyone, but you can’t. It’s because of you that L-Corp lost half its staff today. It’s because of you that your agents’ families are going to have to plan funerals. It’s because of you that my beloved sister won’t live another day. She told me that you were going to come for her. You didn’t. She is going to die knowing you couldn't save her._

Alex saw Lena’s bloody face calling for her. She’s not sure if it’s tears making her vision blurry or if it’s the rage she’s feeling. _You’re a liar!_ Knuckles meet Lex’s right cheek bone and a distinct crunch sound can be heard. He doesn’t have time to get up before Alex is on him. _You’re a liar! Lena is stronger than you’ll ever be._ He stopped struggling, but Alex couldn’t stop herself. _She’s the strongest of us all. She’s going to make it. She’s going to make it._

The cold water brings her back to the present. She’s been in the shower for way too long without cleaning herself. The water flowing into the drain is still red and her hair is stuck to the sides of her face. She sees her bloody knuckles and felt nauseous again. Disgusted with herself, she tried scrubbing them as hard as she can to try and get rid of the blood. They stung so she knows they’re cut, but she can’t seem to get the blood off. Tears mixed with the cold water of the shower, but the blood still won’t come off. 

“Director Danvers?” It’s Vasquez. “You’ve been in there for a while now. Can I come in?” After hearing no replies, the agent walks in. Alex is on the floor of the cold shower, still rubbing her raw knuckles, soaked to the bone. Susan rushes to her and turns the shower off. “Alex, stop!” She tries grabbing her hands, but Alex pulls away. 

“It won’t come off!” She’s breathing heavy, the shower water not making it easier. Lex’s words echoing in her head. 

Moments later, J’onn’s hands cover her knuckles. “Alex! I want you to look at me. Breathe with me.” The Director looks up and takes a ragged breath. Struggling is useless when the Martian is using all his strength to hold her in place. 

“It won’t come off.” Her voice breaks. 

“Breathe with me.” J’onn doesn’t let go. She doesn’t know how long they stay in the small DEO shower, but she feels her breathing even out. J’onn slowly reveals one fist. “This blood is not Lex’s. It’s yours. Now lets get you out of this suit, bandaged up and clothed. Lena wants to see you.” 

Alex takes another stuttered breath and hiccups. “Ok.” 

\-----

She stops to go see Kara first. Kara, who got in between a collapsing building and a whole street of pedestrians. Kara, who surpassed her power limits to save Lena and most of the citizens nearby. Kara, who is lying pale as death on a sunbed. Alex pushes a strand of blond hair behind her ear and leans down to kiss her little sister’s forehead. “Push through for me, Kara. I still need you.” She grabs her hand and squeezes, pain shooting through her arm as she feels the cuts on her hands open, a tear falling onto the El crest on Supergirl’s chest. Maybe Lex was right, she can’t protect her little sister anymore, the one thing she is meant to do. She let’s a shaky breath out and places Kara’s hand back onto her own chest before leaving. 

\-----

She doesn’t know why she’s taking so long to enter. She wants to so bad. She wants to kiss her and hold her and protect her against any more harm. She can’t do that though, protect her. She’s already failed once, it will happen again and she’s not sure she could handle it. She also doesn’t want Lena to see her like this. Disheveled, disheartened, despondent. She isn’t who Lena deserves. She is a monster. She couldn't stop hitting Lex. She thinks she would have stopped, but deep down she knows she wouldn't have. Lena deserves better. But she also wanted to see her, and Alex could never oppose her. She enters. 

The first thing Alex sees is Lena’s bandaged head laying on a white pillow, raven hair cascading around her shoulders. The only sound in the room is the constant beeping of her heart monitor. She looks ethereal even as she just escaped death. Alex can’t help but exhale at how beautiful she still looks. At that, Lena's eyelids flutter open, and green eyes land on brown ones. 

"Alex."


	2. Now That I've Introduced You To My Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena’s expression changes immediately to worry as she gestures for Alex to come towards her. “Darling, come here. What happened to your hands?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not super happy about this chapter, but I wanted to put it out before I forget.

Lena gave her the sweetest smile she’s ever seen. “Hey, what took you so long? I was waiting for you.”

And Alex knows that she’s talking about just now, but she can’t help but think back to just a couple of days ago, when the incident happened, how Lena was also waiting for her to show up, laying on the cold floor of the street. Tears build up in her eyes again and she can’t keep them from rolling down her cheeks. A choked sob wracks through her chest and she lifts her hands to cover her mouth. Lena’s expression changes immediately to worry as she gestures for Alex to come towards her. “Darling, come here. What happened to your hands?”

Alex’s feet aren’t responding to her head and she stays in place. Her brain slowly registers that she’s going to have to explain to Lena about her loss of control earlier, and she quickly lowers her hands to hide them from view.

“Please, love. Please come talk to me.” Lena’s pleading voice is the only thing that snaps her back to this moment. This isn’t about her right now. It’s about Lena. She slowly approaches the CEO and sits on the chair next to her bed. She’s only here because Lena wants her here. No matter how much she wants to hold and touch her, this is about Lena. The woman laying in bed reaches out to try and hold her hand, but she keeps them hidden. “Alex, please.” It’s whispered so gently. The Director reluctantly allows her girlfriend to hold her damaged hands, but she looks away. Alex feels gentle fingers running over her knuckles. They sting, and she can’t help but breathe in a pained breath. “Look at me.” She doesn’t deserve this care. “Alex, look at me.” The gentleness is gone, Lena’s words a little harsher. “Alex.” A hand cups her cheek and makes her look up. Lena’s green eyes are shimmering with unshed tears, but her brows are furrowed. Alex breaks down again. She curls up into herself, and Lena tries her best to hold her without falling out of bed.

“You-y-you’re o-ok.” Hiccups interrupt Alex’s speech. Her eyes burn from crying so much, but she hadn’t expected the overwhelming feeling of immense relief at seeing Lena awake and well.

“Yes, love. I’m ok now, and I’m only going to get better.” Silent tears roll down rose cheeks, making Alex realize that Lena is staying strong for them when it should be her.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She hadn’t realized her death grip on Lena’s hands until now, she definitely reopened a cut on her knuckles. “You’re go-gonna be o-ok.” She’s reassuring herself more than anyone.

Lena nods with a small smile. “Now, tell me what happened to your hands.” Alex knows that Lena must have figured out that these injuries were fresh. The rest of her body looks relatively unscathed. Her genius girlfriend stares at her and Alex knows she isn’t leaving here without giving her an answer. She takes another deep breath to try to calm herself because she promised that she would never lie to Lena. 

“I went to pay Lex a visit in his cell.” Lena’s eyes don’t leave hers, but her hands tighten around Alex’s. She nods to encourage Alex to continue. “And he just started sa-saying these things about Kara.” She wipes at her eyes. “And you.” She squeezes Lena’s hands. “And he was awful, saying that Supergirl is weak and isn’t the hero everyone thinks she is.” A hiccup interrupts her. “And he said that you were going to die, kno-knowing that I couldn’t save you.” More tears show up, and Alex feels Lena slowly pulling her hands away from hers. She must have realized what she did next. She must have realized what a monster she is. She must have realized that she deserves so much better than a government drudge who can’t even do her job right.

She is about to stand up and leave the room, when soft palms hold her face and even softer lips meet hers. The kiss tastes salty and Alex tries to breathe her girlfriend in if this is going to be the last time she is held this close. Lena pulls away, Alex’s eyes still closed, and rests her forehead on the Director’s. “Darling,-“

“I’m so sorry, Lena.” She cuts her off. “I’m so sorry for not being there sooner. I’m sorry for losing control o-over Lex. I’m sorry for everything. This is all my fau-fault. I am not good for you or at my job. I was so stupid for falling for his trap and I wasn’t there when you needed me. ” She whispers. “You deserve so much better than someone you can’t rely on and-“

“Stop.” Lena’s voice sounds angry and she’s glaring at Alex. The Director feels like this is the end. She knew this was coming, but she hadn’t prepared herself for it. The next words that come out of the CEO’s mouth are the last ones she expects to hear. “How dare you say such loathsome things about the woman I love. Lex knows nothing about you. Listen to me. He knows nothing about us. You are one of the most intelligent people I know and the most dedicated person to their job. For heaven’s sake, you are the Director of an entire organization, but you still always make time for us. You are the most reliable person I’ve ever met.” She wiped the remaining tears off of Alex’s cheeks. “Do you remember when you took a day off to take me to get my wisdom teeth out?”

“You were so high on nitrous oxide.” They shared a chuckle as they both recall that day where Alex had to carry Lena to her van after her surgery because Lena was going to tell every dentist and patient there that her girlfriend was the badass Director of the DEO. “I even filmed you while we were in the car. You tried to sing every song on the radio. Even the ones you’ve never heard before.”

“You’d better show me that video and never anyone else.” They shared another laugh.

“I’m really glad you’re safe now even if I wasn’t-“

“Alex.”

“No, let me finish. I will make it up to you when you fully recover. I love you so much.” She sniffles. She feels the exhaustion now from the heavy onslaught of emotions she felt for such a short period of time, not coupling well with the little sleep she had already because of the past couple of days.

“I love you.” Lena stroked her cheeks softly. "And I'll tell you that everyday."

Alex gave her a sad, but hopeful smile. “And maybe one day I’ll love myself even half as much as you love me.”

“Until then, I’ll love you for the both of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are super sweet in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> I've been kind of MIA for like half a year, but I've just been feeling really uninspired. I'm just trying out this new ship. We'll see how it goes.
> 
> I'm gonna try a series inspired by songs, so hit the comments if you have a song suggestion. This idea is from mw4vt9 who's fics I absolutely adore and who got me into Agentcorp.
> 
> Probably gonna be a second chapter.


End file.
